


Black's Don't Cry

by lia (londonfog_faery)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abusive Parents, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Remus Lupin, Child Abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff and Angst, Gay Sirius Black, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, I'm trying so hard to tag i'm sorry, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Orion Black's A+ Parenting, Past Child Abuse, Protective Remus Lupin, Pureblood Culture (Harry Potter), Pureblood Society (Harry Potter), Sirius Black Deserves Better, Sirius Black Needs a Hug, The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, Walburga Black's A+ Parenting, boys dont cry, but i'm a peice of trash and it is past midnight, i'm so sorry sirius, why do I always hurt you, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:08:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24087847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/londonfog_faery/pseuds/lia
Summary: Remus finds Sirius crying, he's never seen Sirius fucking great hair, the man, the myth, the legend Black cry before. It's wolfstar because I'm a piece of trash :)
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 164





	Black's Don't Cry

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: depiction of violence/child abuse emotional trauma.   
> also fluff. :)

"Always a pleasure to chat" Lily snickered with a playful bow kissing his hand.  
Remus rolled his eyes slightly and laughed. It was the middle of fifth year, and all though Lily had a burning loathing for the Marauders, Remus was a prefect with her and they'd become quite close.  
"You're not going into the common room?" Remus asked turning to the fat lady. "Medeis pluvium" he muttered the portrait swinging open. It was early March, god, he was almost sixteen, which didn't seem very old, but seemed quite a bit older than fifteen.   
"Oh, no, I haven't seen Sev in a while so I figured I'd go find him" Lily smiled awkwardly.  
Remus nodded, he knew he didn't _actively_ bully Severus, but he'd never tried to stop James and Sirius with anything more than a 'guys really?'   
  
He stepped through the portrait immediately feeling warmer. He glanced up at the clock. Quidditch practice. His roomates would all be gone. James would be playing and Sirius would probably be sitting in the stands avoiding homework. Peter had been spending a lot of time with some Ravenclaw girl in fourth year, Winona Clearwater, or maybe it was Wisteria, it was definitely Wisteria. He suspected they were dating. He glanced around to see Dorcas and Marlene cuddling on the couch. They were confusing. They were either extremely close best friends, or gay, or both.   
"hey" He smiled awkwardly standing, he didn't feel ready for a full on sitting conversation.  
"Oh Hi Remus" Dorcas smiled turning around lying in Marlenes arms.   
"What are you two up to?" He asked shifting his weight from his right to his left.   
"Everyones at practice so we're just avoiding homework" Dorcas giggled. Marlene started chuckling.   
"I'll leave you two to it-" Remus snickered. He could hear a small gasp from one of them as he turned around, and then a bit more laughing. Maybe even a kissing noise, his senses were heightened at the time, a couple of days until the full moon. At least one question was answered. Gay, they were gay.  
  
As he approached his dorm his stomach twisted awkwardly. The wolf was telling him something. Prey. Prey was near by. He shut his eyes and focused on anything but the wolf. It was hard when he could feel it inside of him. He felt less human. Something was near by, and whatever it was, was vulnerable enough to bring the wolf forwards. He started walking towards the door but the feeling almost grew. His human heart was beating in his ears which was difficult because the wolf was listening very closely for a clue. A heart beat, a shaky breath, a sob, something anything to let it know that Remus was taking him to the right place. 

The door swung open and he knew he was close. The room was absolutely silent. It was empty, but the wolf felt observed almost, not seen, but something knew Remus was present. The open window ominously blew the drawn curtains so they willowed lightly over Sirius' bed. That's when it struck Remus, Sirius' curtains were drawn, and nobody elses were. Nobody had been in here since the house elves. He didn't _hear_ anything. Sirius could be asleep. It didn't sound like he was laughing, there couldn't be two people behind there, he definitely would be more private if he were doing anything that um he wanted to keep private, and he couldn't be crying. Sirius was a loud cryer-it was right then and there when Remus realized he'd _never_ actually seen Sirius cry. It was confusing, how could they have lived together for five years, and never seen him cry. The time he broke his wrist he'd run straight to the hospital wing, and now that he was an animagus he was getting even better at avoiding emotions. _He's probably just sleeping_. Remus reminded himself. It didn't make sense though, why would he be sleeping at five forty two pm on a Friday night. 

Sirius was in fact un-aware that Remus was standing right outside of his bed. He'd received a letter from home, and normally he could laugh them off, but it was so different this time. It made the scar on his back sting. He remembered what his dad said when he got to the point of bleeding.  
_'that's right boy, you can grow your hair, and act however you want, you can continue to disappoint everyone around you, but you can never deny that the blood running through your veins is pure'  
Sirius had backed away. 'Look at it.' his 'father' shouted. Sirius glanced down at his hand. 'are you truly this useless? Do you need to learn this lesson again?"   
"no sir" He'd backed away tilting his head up, lip trembling slightly. That was his telltale sign, and unluckily for him, Orion knew that quite well. "Look at me, Black's don't cry" and his father held him by the jaw until he'd somehow forced the tears to disappear.   
_Blood, his blood was pure, bright, lustful, romantic, raging, deadly red. He'd been sitting their, realizing how fucked up he was. He couldn't get away no matter _what_ he did. His arms were wrapped around his knees and he sat there on his made-bed. When the curtain was cautiously pulled back he couldn't move. His stomach dropped and his tear covered face whipped up. He was completely frozen his eyes full of un-shedded tears threatening to leak at one tiny blink.   
  
For a split second, and only a split second was Sirius Orion Black frozen. And in that split second Sirius felt as though he'd been sitting their staring into Remus' golden eyes for an eternity, and in that same split second the wolf had disappeared, Remus was looking at one of his best friends, who'd apparently never displayed anything but amusement and rage before was sitting in front of him with tears streaming down his face, and instead of preying on the weakness, the wolf disappeared and Remus clenched his jaw shut, furrowing his brow a cloud of concern darkening his face.   
  
After the split second was finished Sirius was already quickly wiping his eyes putting a plastered smile on his face.   
"Whats up?" He asked.   
Remus was surprised at how fast he was able to do that. If there weren't more tears begging to roll down his cheeks, he would've looked perfectly normal. How many times had Sirius cried and concealed it better than a dead body. Remus didn't have that luxury, he had red eyes, and his nose went red aswell, it was so blatantly _obvious_ when he cried. It wasn't often, sometimes when he was lashing out about how much he wished greyback had just finished him then and there. How he could never be loved.   
  
Remus couldn't say anything he just stared at Sirius dropping the star covered curtain so it draped behind him. He watched as Sirius bottom lip started trembling and his head tilted upwards. He swallowed as if it were getting harder not to cry. And then he did. Sirius was crying, but he was absolutely silent, his body shook as if it hurt to keep quiet.   
  
"Padfoot-" Remus whispered kneeling on his bed next to him. He placed a hand on Sirius' shoulder which was pushed away after a barely noticeable flinch. Remus probably wouldn't have noticed if the full moon weren't so close. "Pads-" He whispered again.   
  
Sirius turned around and looked up at him and he started laughing. Sirius had never been good at processing emotions. He always turned to laughing, when he was in trouble, when he was excited, nervous, and apparently when he was sad as well.   
  
"Great" He laughed sardonically somehow mumbling at the same time "Now you know I'm fucking _weak_ " he spat the word with the same hatred that he used when saying "walburga" or "slytherin" or "the noble blacks"   
Remus furrowed his brow again. "Sirius, you're not weak-"  
Sirius' shoulders were pulled up defensively. He glanced up with glassy eyes "I don't want you to fucking 'comfort' me with the whole this doesn't change anything shit because it does it fucking does" He seemed almost angry. Remus noted the ripped letter next to him.   
"Hey, hey, if this is about your parent's or your 'family' just, we're here for you Pads, I want to help I just don't know how"   
And something shattered in Sirius. He wasn't angry anymore, he felt like a toddler who'd just wet the bed, because despite being ashamed of Remus seeing him so vulnerable and bawling like a little girl he wanted to feel someones arms wrapped closely around him. He _wanted_ to cry. He looked up at Remus nose twitching and mouth spread in an awkward contortion before bursting into another round of tears. He hadn't been abashed like this in years, probably _since_ he wet the bed as a toddler. It was worse though, because although at the time he wanted approval from his mother, he was now genuinely in love with Remus, and here he was crying about a letter. He awkwardly nestled his face into Remus' shoulder. Remus to Sirius' surprise replied by wrapping his arms tightly around the smaller boy and pulling him in.   
"I can't get away" Sirius whispered into Remus' sweater. "no matter how hard I try I can't get away" he new that there would be wet splotches on Remus' shoulder, but some part deep inside of him told him Remus wouldn't care, he was also too emotionally distraught at the current moment to care if Remus cared. He probably however would end up lying awake thinking about this moment for a while.   
"Of course you can, you're nothing like them, you _are_ away" Remus mumbled. He wasn't good at this whole comfort thing. Usually he was the one getting comforted. His friends were understanding, and loving, and he felt as though he'd deprived Sirius of this attention which he clearly needed for too long with his furry little problem. Then again, Sirius was always there for him, why didn't he expect that would go both ways.  
"No, no I can't, it's in my DNA, everything we become is based on what we're taught as kids" He whispered. Remus briefly regretted their group project on Psychology for muggle-studies. He bitterly felt as though this was his fault, it most certainly was not. "I mean, I-I know that I'm allowed to cry or whatever but-" he choked on his words slightly. "It-" he clung onto Remus' sweater tightly. Remus' heart was shattering for him over and over again. It was also beating so quickly, because they were _so_ close. "I'm- I'm scared" he whispered, as if admitting to murder. "I'm still scared that-" He paused inhaling the Vanilla-y Pine-esque scent of Remus' sweater. "and, every fucking week I get a letter, and when I don't I see Reg, or one of my cousins, and I'm 'mr. black' and everything I own is- and even when I'm fucking sleeping I'm back home I just, I just want to rip the blood out- I- I sound crazy- I'm so sorry-" He suddenly stopped talking he also had probably run out of tears, because he was simply shivering slightly in Remus' arms feeling like a weak piece of shit. He was the oldest, and he was fucking _clinging_ to Remus like an infant. After a few moments Sirius tried to pull away but Remus was stronger. Sirius glanced up at Remus. "sorry" he was unsettlingly calm for having just been sobbing. It was eery in the sense that Remus almost felt like Sirius cried the most out of everyone in there friend group and nobody fucking knew. He was so good at being quiet, and that was terrifying. _  
_ "Don't apologize" Remus whispered letting go of the smaller boy. "You've told me that a million times"  
That brought a soft smile to Sirius' face. He lightly traced his finger over one of the scars on the brunettes face. Remus normally would protest or snap at something like that but he simply couldn't not with Sirius.   
"Pads? I- we love you okay?"   
Sirius smiled lightly and laughed "You're such a sap Remus um Jackson Lupin"   
"Nope"   
"Okay, well I've guessed probably eighty nine percent of names starting with J, it's not a name." Sirius rolled his eyes slightly. "Also I'm really sorry about like two seconds ago, I can get really dramatic-"  
Remus gave him a look.  
"Sorry- no- I mean, just, can you not tell James and Pete- that"   
" _Why_ would I tell them" Remus laughed slightly. " _How_ would that even come up-"  
"I dunno, oh by the way you're really cool suave, sexy, punkrock friend Sirius was fucking crying on my shoulder for thirty seven minutes"  
"First of all, you're that was not thirty-seven minutes, and second of all, I refuse to refer to you as my really cool, suave, sexy, punkrock, friend"   
Sirius pouted slightly "Oh? Then what _would_ you describe me as"  
_"Fucking gorgeous"_ Remus blurted out awkwardly.   
Sirius' eyes widened slightly. He _knew_ Remus was bi, and single, but, was it even just the tiniest bit possible. I mean, he had no dignity left to lose, he'd already cried in front of Remus and so he wrapped his hands around Remus' neck and they were kissing. At first it was a bit of a push-pull with the whole dominance thing, a little squabble, but Sirius soon after was pinned against the headboard, and a few short seconds later the door swung open and James was watching the show.  
"So this is what you two get up to when I'm not around" He said cocking an eyebrow up.   
Somehow, this was less embarrassing for Sirius than being walked in on crying. He felt his face burn up anyways. He'd never dated anyone before, he'd kissed Marlene in third year when they were both in denial about their sexualities, but, well, apparently a lot had changed since then.   
"I guess he's gay" Remus concluded. There was an ongoing bet about why Sirius refused every date he was offered.   
"I've been telling you guys to do" James gestured vague circles around them " _this_ since second year, how did it take this long. Even Marlene and Dorcas took longer and those two are the most textbook example of useless lesbians I'd ever met" Somehow, the Gryffindors around their age had just decided to accept that being bent was something people in their house would be. Hell there were even rumours Dumbledore himself was a queer. Although, leaving the common room was often met with weird looks and being called a 'faery' or 'sappho' the common room was a regular meet up for the bent couples.   
Sirius was watching Remus as to how his face wasn't even the slightest shade pinker than usual. God how does he do it. How many times could Sirius have made Remus flustered, and he just never knew because he doesn't fucking blush. Sirius looked at the scars covering Remus' face most of his own scars were invisible, but they were still there. Maybe this would be good. Remus subtly pressed his shoulder into Sirius' back it was the comfort and support he needed. Sirius leaned back onto him.  
"Oh get a fucking room" James mumbled pulling the curtain back.   
  



End file.
